Jacob and I celebrated our 5 year anniversary this past December and what a crazy adventure it’s been. From living in a camp trailer for our first 4 months of marriage, traveling to Hawaii to document a great friend’s wedding, finding our dream jobs, a couple car restorations, buying our first and forever home together, and so much more. A few hard things, but the good far outweighs the bad. I can’t imagine my life without Jacob. He’s the most selfless guy I know, and I’m so grateful I snagged him when I did.
Over the years we’ve had many conversations that seemed to come up more frequently after our miscarriage. Even way before that, (like 6 years ago when we were still dating), we talked about the possibility of adopting one day. We both actually wanted to adopt one kid which I thought was kind of crazy. We briefly looked into private adoption which was so expensive, so we pushed that off to the back burner for awhile.
Something kept nagging at us though like we needed to do something and it took us awhile to figure out what that was…
We’re becoming Foster Parents!
This past weekend we finished our foster care classes, so now we have our home study left which has been tricky with COVID-19 going on. Once we finish home studies, we will be officially licensed! This entire process has been an eye opener to say the least. I’ve been humbled and dang, I’ve realized how blessed we’ve been. From amazing parents and family support in all we do, to our beautiful home, to our awesome jobs we both love. I am so grateful for our life we live everyday and we can’t wait to share it!
The classes we took covered some dark and hard topics. I’ve almost scared myself out of foster care multiple times thinking too much about it. Then I remind myself, “If not me, then who?”. There’s such a growing need for foster parents, and I’m not denying how difficult and heart-wrench this journey will be, but I know it’ll be worth it and I know it’s exactly what we’re supposed to do.
Since I know we’ll be getting a few questions about how we got here and the process, here’s a few I thought I’d answer!
What made you decide to do foster care?
I still remember Jake and I sitting on my apartment couch in college having a serious conversation about both of us wanting to adopt a kid later on in life. After our miscarriage and another chemical miscarriage later on, we felt pretty let down. We had talked about fostering to adopt one day (after seeing how expensive private adoption can be), but we would always put it on the back burner. One Sunday in February, Jake told me he felt very impressed we should apply to be foster parents right away, as in that night. We ended up applying and actually submitted our application our 2 year miscarriage anniversary. After applying, I did so much studying and research on foster care and the kids that come in. I became so passionate about foster care and helping these amazing kids. What started out as hopes of fostering to adopt, has evolved to fostering and hopes for reunification. When we bought our forever home we wanted kids to fill it with. We hope to do that through foster care!
How long does it take to become licensed?
If COVID-19 hadn’t happened, I think we would have been licensed within 3 months from start to finish. It usually is about a 4-6 months process, but I told our license worker I wanted to fast track everything we could so we stayed on top of it. With COVID-19 I was able to do a lot of the paper work and behind the scenes at home since I didn’t have much photography work. Background checks took time and the classes are normally 6 weeks but we did the fast track classes as well.
Are you still going to try for biological kids?
YES! We still think my body is in good condition so we will still be trying to have biological kids! I believe this will happen in the Lord’s timing so we will see when that actually happens for us. We will continue trying during the foster parenting process but since we’ve been so blessed, why not share it?
How old of kids will you foster?
We are open to boys and girls, any ethnicity, and about 1-5 years old! We are allowed to foster kids up to a 15 year difference but we wanted to start younger first and see how we handle it. We’ve never been parents before. We also hope to be licensed to take sibling sets up to 2 kids right now.
Aren’t you scared of “getting too attached”?
Truthfully, I know without a doubt we’ll get too attached, but that’s the goal, right? That you truly love these kids like your own. I’m not denying that it will be hard, because it will be. I know I will morn for days, weeks or months when these kids leave. But I hope it’s hard to say goodbye, because that means I did exactly what I was supposed to do.
Will you be adopting?
The foster care system is very forward in educating us that the ultimate goal is to reunite kids with their biological parents/relatives when possible. 13% of foster kids end up being adopted so we are keeping open minds knowing that we may end up fostering 10+ kids over the years before having the opportunity to adopt. I am so excited knowing I’ll be able to help so many kids even if it’s only for a few months or years. So we’ve decided we’ll cross that bridge when/if we get to it.
What are you most nervous for?
It’s looking like we will have foster kids in our home faster than we will have a newborn baby, so I’m most nervous for being an instant parent to any age and not knowing that age until we get “the call”. I have to keep reminding myself that I KNOW I won’t be a perfect parent, but I KNOW I can love kids and help give them a nurturing atmosphere and home.
I’m also nervous for the process of teaching wrong from right when these kids have went through more trauma in just a few years than most people go through in a lifetime. Not knowing everything they’ve seen or been through is just scary in itself. Jacob has mentioned getting too attached is his biggest fear. Personally, I can’t wait to see him get too attached. He’s going to be an amazing dad.
What are you most excited for?
I’m excited to share our blessings. I’m excited to love these kids and honestly spoil them to an extent. I cannot wait for Holidays. I’ve wanted to celebrate holidays with kids for so long! I’m excited to learn and educate myself more on trauma and parenting. The foster care classes taught me more about parenting than any home economics class. I feel more prepared to be a parent than I did when I was pregnant.
I’m not in a position to foster, but I want to help. How can I?
Reach out to foster families in your area and see if they need anything! Mow their lawn, bring a meal, or offer to carpool. Honestly, just being kind. There’s usually places you can donate gently used children essentials to for foster families in your area. Foster parents sometimes get calls at 1am and they need a car seat or bed right away which is what the donation places are for. The kids usually come into foster care with all their belongings in one trash bag.
If you have any questions about licensing or foster care, please let me know! I’ve become so passionate about foster care and would be happy to answer questions or put you in touch with someone who knows even more than me!
